May 12, 2009

Not all Men are Pigs!!

Dear Angie,

Do you think a man can ever be truly, 100% faithful?

Signed, Wondering in Wallingford


Dear Wonderer,

Yes.

However, that one man who can be truly, 100% faithful is married to me.

Sorry, Angie

May 11, 2009

He's a Clinger...Not!

Dear Angie,

I've been arguing with my wife about laundry. I want her to use liquid fabric softener as well as dryer sheets. She says they're the same thing, so she only has to use one or the other.

What do you think?

Signed, Clingy in Canton


Dear Clinger,

I only use the sheets. Why double up? That stuff's expensive.

Plus, isn't the perfume smell on your clothes driving the guys in the office wild?

Love, Angie

May 8, 2009

Butt, butt, butt...

Dear Angie,

My husband has been hounding me to quit smoking. He won't let me smoke in the house now!! If he finds my cigarettes, he throws them away. What's the point of quitting now? I've been smoking for 15 years. Isn't the damage already done?

Signed, Pam wants to keep Puffing


Dear Pam,

It's likely that you've already done damage, that's true. However, if you quit, you can start reversing some of that damage. And, your overall health will improve as well.

Not to mention that you won't reek like an overflowing ashtray the morning after a keg party.

Love, Angie

May 7, 2009

Mommy. Needs. Help. Now.

Dear Angie,

Please help me. My kids are making me crazy. Every time I walk into the bathroom, it looks like a cyclone hit it. There is water everywhere, towels, washcloths, hair product, straightening irons, curling irons, toothpaste...HELP ME!!! It never ends. I've asked them to clean up after themselves, I've yelled, and I've punished, yet nothing works.

WHAT CAN I DO?

Signed, At Wit's End


Dear Mental Mommy,

Calm. Down.

This is part of that thing you viewed longingly and lovingly: Motherhood.

If only there was a Kid Whisperer. I have two...no, three...suggestions.

First: Have another bathroom put in, just for the kids. Then you'll never know.

If that's cost-prohibitive, try my second suggestion: Next time you walk into that pigpen, take everything that isn't where it should be and hide it. Don't start doling out towels and curling irons and hairspray until things change.

If this doesn't work, go to your doctor and tear into a rant about your kids. You'll be getting Mommy's Little Helper in no time. In fact, you might want to skip Options 1 and 2 and go directly to your PCP.

Sweet dreams, Angie

May 6, 2009

To Enhance or not to Enhance...

Dear Angie,

I'm considering getting implants. At present, I am a small B, and my breasts are ugly. They're not perfect and round and perky like other women.

Should I?

Signed, Saggy in Springfield


Dear SiS,

If you can afford breast implants -- and have someone to help you through the recovery -- then, by all means, go for it.

I support every woman's right to have perfect boobies.

Here's to 'em, Angie

May 5, 2009

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro...cinco.

Dear Angie,

What the heck is Cinco de Mayo?

Signed, Confused in Clifton


Dear CinC,

Cinco de Mayo is the 5th of May. Duh.

Don't worry about what it signifies. Just make some fajitas and pour yourself a margarita.

Adios, Angie

May 4, 2009

Midol & Merlot...

Dear Angie,

I am at my wit’s end. Lately, it seems like my wife cries constantly, for no reason. She’s only 36, so I don’t thing she’s going through “the change.”

What do you think it is?

Signed, Helpless Hubby


Dear Helpless,

Maybe you’re insensitive and she’s at her wit’s end.

Do you pay attention to her and show her compassion?

If all else fails, start a new tradition: A glass of wine every evening might take the edge off. Especially if you slip a Midol in it.

Love, Angie