Dear Angie,

I have a real dilemma. I have mono and have been lying around the house for a week now.

I’m losing my mind. What can I do to keep myself occupied?

Signed, Mono Mary

Dear Mary,

Sorry to hear about your illness.

On the bright side, I’ve always wanted to be struck by such a malady to justify my inertia.

That aside, let me recommend the following:

Today for example, the Fresh Prince was on, back-to-back, from 9am-10am. At 10am is Maury, whose show is always “Paternity Results.” It was a toss-up at 11, as Jerry Springer was featuring a pregnant stripper but The Price is Right is always fun.

Nothing’s on at noon, so that’s a splendid time to a) shower, b) eat lunch, and/or c) take a nap. But don’t take too long. At 1, you’ll want to be in front of the TV for Without a Trace.

You could follow up that somber drama with two episodes of Bewitched and two episodes of I Dream of Jeanie. At this point, it’s 4pm, so you could take a quick catnap.

That way, when people get home from their productive day, it won’t appear like you’ve been watching TV all day. Trust me.

Love, Angie