Help! My wife has the remote!

Dear Angie,

My wife is making me crazy. She watches the worst crap on TV.

We hardly ever agree on what to watch, and she always tries to control the remote.

How can I get her to compromise?

Signed, Channel Challenged

Dear Channel Challenger,

Isn’t it possible that you watch the worst crap on TV?

Are you watching CSI: Miami and NCIS and JAG reruns?

Look, it’s rare for a married couple to agree on TV. Why would you? You don’t agree on anything else.

Either suffer silently and let her win this battle or invest in a flat-model TV that you can mount on the kitchen wall.

Then she can watch Dancing with the Stars and The Bachelor and American Idol while she’s making snacks for you two to enjoy separately.

Love, Angie

Oh, sister.

Dear Angie,

I can’t stand my sister. She acts like such a princess. It’s like the world is supposed to revolve around her. She is one of those girls who is always working out, getting her nails done, tanning, and coloring her hair. Don’t even get me started on the clothes.

Unfortunately, I can’t afford to move out, so I’m stuck living with her. How do you deal with someone like this?

Signed, Considering sororicide

Dear Soror,

First off, hats off to you for the use of sororicide. I don’t think I have ever heard that used before. But, I digress.

I think I hate your sister, too. Doesn’t everybody?

Well, except for the silly, mindless twits who are her BFFs and the guys who are dying to peel those $70 Abercrombie jeans off her perfect little body.

I’m getting agitated just thinking about her.

The only thing I can tell you is this: Try to sleep easier knowing that you are smarter, more mature, and more rational.

In the meantime, hope that her credit cards get canceled, she breaks a nail, and her hair turns orange in some freak hair bleach incident.

You have my sympathies.

Love, Angie

My Mother is on MySpace!

Dear Angie,

My mom has a MySpace page. I found it because she forgot to log out when she got off the computer. She has a bunch of friends I don’t know and, from the looks of it, she’s got a whole other life going on.

I’m really torn about what to do. I’m worried that she’ll feel like I violated her privacy or something. Is it even my business? What can I say?

Signed, Mommy Needs Net Nanny

Dear MySpace Monitor,

Hmmm…is it your business? That’s tough. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

I understand that you feel creeped out by your mother’s “dark side.” I’m a little creeped out, too.

I’m not sure how your mother will react if you approach her about her extracurricular activities. It will depend, in large part, on your attitude.

If you express your concerns in a way that does not come across as judgmental or disrespectful, hopefully she will be receptive.

Of course, if her MySpace page is replete with booty shots and inappropriate comments, that’s a different story.

In that case, I hope you’re able to move out soon and forget you ever saw this horrendous display.

Back to your first question. Is it your business? Not really. But it doesn’t make it any less repulsive.

I want Mr. Right (now)

Dear Angie,

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and have been living together for the last four months.

I have no doubt that he is the one for me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I believe he feels the same way. We haven’t discussed it, but I am hoping he’ll propose on Valentine’s Day.

What should I do if he doesn’t? How long should I wait? If he doesn’t want to marry me, then I can’t continue this relationship, because I want to start a family.

Signed, Soon-to-be Mrs.?

Dear Spaz,

Relax already. Sheesh.

I have shoes older than your relationship. Hell, I might have a box of baking soda that has been in my cupboard longer than you two have been dating.

I can’t give you a deadline for when you should give up on a future with this man. Only you will know what’s right for you. However, it can’t hurt to address these issues with your boyfriend. Let him know what you want in life, and see what he wants in his life. Don’t be demanding and, for God’s sake, don’t give him any ultimatums. That won’t get you anywhere.

There are two problems with your hope that he’ll pop the question on Valentine’s Day.

First, you are setting yourself up for a huge letdown. Maybe marriage isn’t on his agenda just yet. I don’t know how old you two are, or what’s going on with your careers or educations, but perhaps he is a little more conservative in planning the rest of his life.

And, I hate to tell you this, but … well, maybe he doesn’t feel the same way about you. I said maybe, so don’t go off the deep end. But, it’s possible.

Second, you want to get engaged on Valentine’s Day?

Come on!

Could that be any more trite? Scratch that idea.

You want flowers and a nice – and I mean nice – piece of jewelry for Valentine’s Day. If and when he proposes, don’t let him use a holiday for the occasion. It’s been done to death.

Don’t let him cheat you out of a gift, either.

My parents just don't understand!

Dear Angie,

My parents are driving me nuts. They want me to eat dinner and watch TV with them every night.

Whenever I make other plans, they get upset. I feel bad about it, but I’m 22 and I like to spend time with my boyfriend and friends!

How can I live my life without feeling like I’m letting them down?

Signed, It’s time to cut the strings

Dear Stringer,

You’re 22 and still living at home? I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there are strings attached.

In fact, I can’t believe I even have to tell you that.

Look. Your parents are lonely – and they love you. You’re still their little girl, especially since they’re putting a roof over your head and food in your little tummy. Cut them some slack.

For starters, let your parents know when you have plans, so they’re not disappointed when your place setting goes untouched.

Bottom line: You’re going to have to find a balance between family and your “life,” as you put it. Make it a point to spend time with your parents – maybe two or three nights a week.

It won’t kill you, although it might not make you stronger, either. It might just make you crazy. But hey, what doesn’t?